“Just because you can see the candle in someone, doesn’t mean that you’re meant to light it”
This morning I was watching an interview by the Breakfast Club. Charlemagne Tha God, DJ Envy and Angela Yee were interviewing Amanda Seales. Until this interview I didn’t know much about her other than her accusation against Russel Simmons. About a month ago, amid the rape accusations, she alleged that in a meeting Simmons said some inappropriate things to her. However, that’s not the point of this piece. She’s outspoken, well educated and proud. She’s also as single as a dollar bill.
In this interview, she talked about why she thought she was single and why her relationships hadn’t worked out. She says that she is that one person who always sees the good in people no matter what they do. However, her therapist used a metaphor of the candle being lit to let her know that it doesn’t matter what she sees if she can’t bring it out of that person. Maybe it wasn’t meant for her. To that I say “Preach”.
People change when they want to and for who they want. If that person decides that you’re not worth it then bounce. If you’re a year in and it didn’t happen then it’s probably never going to happen. Speaking from experience, I’ve realized that people know the signs of a directionless relationship. You know it, you feel it and you’re either ignoring it or hoping that something changes. Sometimes we just need to acknowledge the fact that we’re not meant to light that candle. Who knows? Maybe the right person is out there with a blowtorch waiting to light up your life. Stop chasing after what could be great and find something that is.
There’s also another point that someone made in the comment section. We get stuck in this one dimensional way of thinking. However, the truth is that not everyone is going to find someone and maybe they’re not meant to. Some people are happy being alone and focused on their careers. Women over a certain age are always criticized if they’re not married or have any kids. But who says that’s the ultimate goal in life? That’s not the only way to make your mark on the world. Look at Oprah, no kids but one of the most influential women in the world. So let’s get away from these antiquated classifications, definitions and expectations of womanhood. Welcome to the 21st century where women can embrace or give the finger to traditional values and I must say that it is wonderful to have that choice.