Losing Control

By the title of this post you’d probably think that I was going to start talking about something deep and emotional and blah blah

Nope, I just have a bone to pick with people on the internet. Those who literally have no self control. If that’s you then yes I’m talking about you. Do you have to turn all of your thoughts on a particular subject or image into a comment? Is it that difficult to just keep shit to yourself? Is it so hard to resist typing out your hateful thoughts and clicking send? You do realize that you probably need another outlet for those deep seethed anger issues, right? How the hell are you so ferocious online but a bitches in real life? 

Sometjmes I find it difficult to understand people’s thought process and how they get to doing some of the things they do. 

For example: 

I was just thinking about this Lil Fizz music video for his song called Lotion and I remember Monise from Love and Hip Hop LA had the starring role. She’s the mother of his son by the way. However, in the video her make up could’ve been done a little better since the bags under her eyes were very prominent. I noticed it as soon as I saw the video. But who doesn’t have bags under their eyes? Not everyone is going to look perfect 24/7. One thing I did not do was blast her publicly for her baggy eyes. However, just because I didn’t doesn’t mean others held back and let me say they were just plain mean for no god damn reason. 

So if you’re one of those people:

  • Yes I’m judging you
  • I don’t care if this makes you mad
  • Prove me right and comment 😂

Someone wise once said that if you’ve got nothing nice to say about someone then don’t say anything at all. I think it applies in some cases like these. It’s not fair for people to bottle up their anger, jealousy and insecurities and then throw it at others on the form of disgusting hateful comments. 

Okayyyy that’s my 2 cents on that topic. 

Now for the screenshots of the hateration 

1. Sunken Place



2. Heavy coon



3. Bad mama body count 


4. Not good enough 


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Home is where the heart is…

guycan

December 20th, 2016 signalled six long years since I immigrated to Canada. The day passed by without me even remembering. Six years ago, on that day, my life changed forever. Being a fourteen year old who had already formed a close bond with my group of friends and settled into high school, it was difficult to leave the place I called home. I remember being tearful as the areoplane lifted off and I left my home country, not knowing when I would get to see it again. Needless to say that I was miserable my first year here. It was difficult for me to adjust to the new country and I wasn’t that great at making new friends. I’m still not. However, I’ve grown so much in the last six years and I actually like the person I’ve become.

However one thing I really struggled with was the guilt that I sometimes felt when speaking about my home. Here in Canada, if you’re an immigrant you’re very familiar with the term “back home”. The problem is that at which point do I start calling Canada my home? Is it possible to have two homes? I love Canada, but that doesn’t mean that I love my home country any less. I believe that a major portion of this guilt is reinforced or stems from the citizens in our “home” countries. Where I’m from, those who leave are often taunted by those as being foreigners and “changing” just because they left for a better life. People use this to taunt us in a joking manner. However, there is some truth behind every joke. What they are unkowingly doing is creating conflict within our hearts. Is it wrong for us to move away, move on and try to create a better life for ourselves? No, I don’t think so. But they would argue that those of us that leave often forget those that they left behind. I would like to say, “No! it’s not that we have forgotten you. But we also have our own lives to live. We have to start from the bottom and work our way up and that is not an easy task”.

I love both places equally. They both have their positive aspects as well as their faults. I am incapable of forgetting the people who raised me as well as where I was raised. Do you know that saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”? Well, I was literally raised in that village. It was a village where every older woman was my auntie even though we weren’t related by blood. Growing up in a place like that taught me strong family values as well as the importance of community. Those values get lost in a big city like Toronto, so I’m lucky to have had that experience before the move. My heart is big enough to have many homes. My childhood home and the Toronto – the birthplace of my adolescence.

Who knows, maybe this isn’t the end of my journey and there may be many more homes to come.

The time I realised the importance of sleep

 

Never underestimate the the importance of sleep. Why do I say that? Because it’s now 7:45 a.m. and after waking up at 5:30 a.m. to get ready for work I’m sitting here wishing that I went to bed earlier.

I’m currently on break from school for the summer. So yes, I’ve already started my spring/summer job. One thing I’ve realized so far is that it feels good to make your own money. However, it takes a lot of hard work and increased responsibility. People depend on you to complete your tasks and do so effectively.

Now this is where the importance of sleep comes in. This is my second week and it’s sad to say that it’s taken me this long to realize that I should have already been in bed by 10:00 p.m. I’m way too exhausted to even start work right now. I’m yawning every five minutes and my body feels quite lethargic. Also, since I’m not an avid coffee drinker there is nothing to give me a quick boost in the morning.

Another observation I’ve made is that throughout the day at work, I’m also yawning. Quite frankly, sitting at a desk in front of a computer doing data entry and answering the phone all day doesn’t help me feel any less sleepy.

Side note: As I’m writing this there’s a cute guy on the train that keeps looking this way. Our eyes keep connecting but I’m trying my best to ignore it 😉

Back to my Eureka moment. So another incident that helped me come to a realisation was when I arrived home on Monday and fell asleep on my bed at 8:00 p.m. Yes, I was so tired that I wasn’t able to take a shower or even brush my teeth before bed. It was the equivalent to passing out from exhaustion. But for me it was not only being tired from a day’s work but also working for eight and a half hours with only three hours of sleep. During the semester at university it was usually okay for me to run on only a few hours of sleep because I knew I would have sizeable breaks between classes. On those breaks I would take naps to make up for my lack of sleep the night before. However, I obviously can’t do that now.
So that night I slept from 8:00 p.m. to 5:30 a.m. the next morning and boy did I feel great when I woke up. I was well rested and definitely now yawning as I would have been running on my usual three to five hours of sleep.

This morning as I’m on my way to work again, I’m reflecting on the one day this week I felt great about going to work. Now, the question is whether I’ll be in bed by 10:00 p.m. tonight. The chances are very slim but I’ll see how the day goes.