How I’m gona walk in the park and I ain’t got no gun?

                                                                                             – Waka Flocka 

If you’re living life and not changing, growing or maturing then you’re doing it wrong. The Flockaveli rapper went from saying, “I’m trying to hit the hotel with two girls” to “I want a family. I want to see my daughter grow up. I want matching jumpsuits”.

That, everyone is called growth!

What’s your excuse?





Losing Control

By the title of this post you’d probably think that I was going to start talking about something deep and emotional and blah blah

Nope, I just have a bone to pick with people on the internet. Those who literally have no self control. If that’s you then yes I’m talking about you. Do you have to turn all of your thoughts on a particular subject or image into a comment? Is it that difficult to just keep shit to yourself? Is it so hard to resist typing out your hateful thoughts and clicking send? You do realize that you probably need another outlet for those deep seethed anger issues, right? How the hell are you so ferocious online but a bitches in real life? 

Sometjmes I find it difficult to understand people’s thought process and how they get to doing some of the things they do. 

For example: 

I was just thinking about this Lil Fizz music video for his song called Lotion and I remember Monise from Love and Hip Hop LA had the starring role. She’s the mother of his son by the way. However, in the video her make up could’ve been done a little better since the bags under her eyes were very prominent. I noticed it as soon as I saw the video. But who doesn’t have bags under their eyes? Not everyone is going to look perfect 24/7. One thing I did not do was blast her publicly for her baggy eyes. However, just because I didn’t doesn’t mean others held back and let me say they were just plain mean for no god damn reason. 

So if you’re one of those people:

  • Yes I’m judging you
  • I don’t care if this makes you mad
  • Prove me right and comment 😂

Someone wise once said that if you’ve got nothing nice to say about someone then don’t say anything at all. I think it applies in some cases like these. It’s not fair for people to bottle up their anger, jealousy and insecurities and then throw it at others on the form of disgusting hateful comments. 

Okayyyy that’s my 2 cents on that topic. 

Now for the screenshots of the hateration 

1. Sunken Place

2. Heavy coon

3. Bad mama body count 

4. Not good enough 

Being Honest

4/3/2017 – 9:30 AM


So, I just finished watching the first video posted by FouseyTube, the YouTuber in four months.

Where has he been? What has he been doing? All of that doesn’t matter. That’s because the “why” was the focal point of the video. Why did he leave his fans, his channels, management companies, his profession? He has his reasons. One thing I noticed him mention was fear. So what is fear?


“An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat”

So what could be so dangerous in Fousey’s life that could cause him to be afraid? Go watch the fucking video if you really want to find out (link below).

I’m here to tell you about my fears and how they affect me. For most of my life, I’ve always been the quiet, shy, meek child. I’ve got a great personality but if you’ve never taken the time to get to know me then you’d think I was stuck up or something. However, I’m just guarded. I like to assess people before I let them into my life. I can’t tell  you the revolving door of people I’ve had walk in and then out of my life after, willingly or unwillingly. I am a tough not to crack. But under that shell, I’m as soft as a snail, all squishy and gooey. Why does a shell have a snail? That’s obviously a rhetorical question but you get the point.

Fear, runs my life-like no other. There are so many things that I’ve wanted to do but didn’t even try because I’ve been afraid to fail. Fear is like a disease, it starts small but spreads until it encompasses you in your entirety. It brings you down, makes you depressed, sad and unhappy. My most recent battle with fear has revolved around isolation. I went through a break up that really affected me and also lost one of my best friends around that time. I could say that it has been one of the worst few months of my life. So, how did my illogical fear decided that I should deal with that? Isolation – separating myself from my friends and everyone around me who cared about me. Why? – Because eventually they were just going to hurt me and leave me too. Society never looks at vulnerability and weakness as something good. It’s all about strength and putting on a good face. However, most of it’s a lie. That person at work you see smiling probably has a thousand issues behind that smile.

Fear – Why should fear win? Why should we let it control our lives? Why can’t we shoot for the stars? I don’t have all the answers. What can I say? Life is like one of those adventure games you play and for some people, fear is that big boss at the end of every stage. There’s no moving on to the next stage without defeating it. So what are we going to do about it? I haven’t figured that out yet, but at least I know that this weekend I won’t be staying home and stuffing my face in that isolation chamber I call a bedroom.

Why I left youtube (Dose of Fousey)

Thanks For Reading!



Ps. I lowkey have a bit of OCD and it is taking all the strength in me to post this without checking it 50 thousand times.



Home is where the heart is…


December 20th, 2016 signalled six long years since I immigrated to Canada. The day passed by without me even remembering. Six years ago, on that day, my life changed forever. Being a fourteen year old who had already formed a close bond with my group of friends and settled into high school, it was difficult to leave the place I called home. I remember being tearful as the areoplane lifted off and I left my home country, not knowing when I would get to see it again. Needless to say that I was miserable my first year here. It was difficult for me to adjust to the new country and I wasn’t that great at making new friends. I’m still not. However, I’ve grown so much in the last six years and I actually like the person I’ve become.

However one thing I really struggled with was the guilt that I sometimes felt when speaking about my home. Here in Canada, if you’re an immigrant you’re very familiar with the term “back home”. The problem is that at which point do I start calling Canada my home? Is it possible to have two homes? I love Canada, but that doesn’t mean that I love my home country any less. I believe that a major portion of this guilt is reinforced or stems from the citizens in our “home” countries. Where I’m from, those who leave are often taunted by those as being foreigners and “changing” just because they left for a better life. People use this to taunt us in a joking manner. However, there is some truth behind every joke. What they are unkowingly doing is creating conflict within our hearts. Is it wrong for us to move away, move on and try to create a better life for ourselves? No, I don’t think so. But they would argue that those of us that leave often forget those that they left behind. I would like to say, “No! it’s not that we have forgotten you. But we also have our own lives to live. We have to start from the bottom and work our way up and that is not an easy task”.

I love both places equally. They both have their positive aspects as well as their faults. I am incapable of forgetting the people who raised me as well as where I was raised. Do you know that saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”? Well, I was literally raised in that village. It was a village where every older woman was my auntie even though we weren’t related by blood. Growing up in a place like that taught me strong family values as well as the importance of community. Those values get lost in a big city like Toronto, so I’m lucky to have had that experience before the move. My heart is big enough to have many homes. My childhood home and the Toronto – the birthplace of my adolescence.

Who knows, maybe this isn’t the end of my journey and there may be many more homes to come.

Worth it or Worthless?


Actions Speak Louder than Words.


It has taken me some time to realize that in order to know if someone truly loves you, you need to evaluate their actions. A man or woman will show you how they feel about you even if they find it difficult to voice their feelings. People take for granted what they have and forget to show their love. This post is directed to anyone in a relationship feeling lonely, worthless, unappreciated and unloved.

Do you know that you deserve better? Is that person making you happy? Do you smile when you think of them or does your heart hurt from the painful memories? Do you feel lonely? Can you talk to that person about anything? Can you see a future with them? How is the communication? Are you constantly asking yourself why you’re with that person?

If the answer to most of those questions aren’t positive then you already know what to do. You deserve better. You do not have to settle for less. You’re in love with a fantasy and not that person. What’s making you stay is the potential of what the relationship could be. However, you need to realize that your love life doesn’t begin and end with that person. Yes, it will hurt at first. But in a few months you’ll be happy you got rid of the big bag of unhappiness dragging you down. It’s going to be okay. You are going to be okay. As a matter of fact you will be much better off. The sooner you start believing that, the faster you’ll be able to move on with your life. According to the law of attraction, positive vibes and thoughts will produce positive results.




That person may not think that you’re worth the time and effort but there’s a fabulous person out there who does. Why should we have to settle for barely good enough? Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that the longer you stay in a relationship like that, the more it affects you. It  takes a toll on your self esteem and your emotional stability. Am unhealthy relationship isn’t something that you need in your life. If you try to work it out and there’s no indication of any change happening on the side of your partner, that means it’s time to go. They will say anything to make you stay or have some unpleasant parting words. However, you shouldn’t question that you’re doing the right thing. Sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first and do what’s best for you!




…and sometimes you just have to go out there and


The time I realised the importance of sleep


Never underestimate the the importance of sleep. Why do I say that? Because it’s now 7:45 a.m. and after waking up at 5:30 a.m. to get ready for work I’m sitting here wishing that I went to bed earlier.

I’m currently on break from school for the summer. So yes, I’ve already started my spring/summer job. One thing I’ve realized so far is that it feels good to make your own money. However, it takes a lot of hard work and increased responsibility. People depend on you to complete your tasks and do so effectively.

Now this is where the importance of sleep comes in. This is my second week and it’s sad to say that it’s taken me this long to realize that I should have already been in bed by 10:00 p.m. I’m way too exhausted to even start work right now. I’m yawning every five minutes and my body feels quite lethargic. Also, since I’m not an avid coffee drinker there is nothing to give me a quick boost in the morning.

Another observation I’ve made is that throughout the day at work, I’m also yawning. Quite frankly, sitting at a desk in front of a computer doing data entry and answering the phone all day doesn’t help me feel any less sleepy.

Side note: As I’m writing this there’s a cute guy on the train that keeps looking this way. Our eyes keep connecting but I’m trying my best to ignore it 😉

Back to my Eureka moment. So another incident that helped me come to a realisation was when I arrived home on Monday and fell asleep on my bed at 8:00 p.m. Yes, I was so tired that I wasn’t able to take a shower or even brush my teeth before bed. It was the equivalent to passing out from exhaustion. But for me it was not only being tired from a day’s work but also working for eight and a half hours with only three hours of sleep. During the semester at university it was usually okay for me to run on only a few hours of sleep because I knew I would have sizeable breaks between classes. On those breaks I would take naps to make up for my lack of sleep the night before. However, I obviously can’t do that now.
So that night I slept from 8:00 p.m. to 5:30 a.m. the next morning and boy did I feel great when I woke up. I was well rested and definitely now yawning as I would have been running on my usual three to five hours of sleep.

This morning as I’m on my way to work again, I’m reflecting on the one day this week I felt great about going to work. Now, the question is whether I’ll be in bed by 10:00 p.m. tonight. The chances are very slim but I’ll see how the day goes.

Trading Places

Three seats for two people

It’s another early morning subway ride and I couldn’t help but notice something once again. My subjects of scrutiny this morning are the obese individuals occupying more than one seat on the train. Now lets be real, we’re all trying to get to work, school or wherever and most of us would prefer to have a seat. As, the train fills up, I can’t help but notice the potential for more seated passengers dwindling as rather large individuals take up more than one seat on the train. Let me be clear, this isn’t intended fat shaming or body shaming. One thing in particular that bothered me was, that this older woman who clearly wanted to sit couldn’t because one of those individuals was taking up two spots. So here she is standing on this fast moving train trying to read a newspaper. People like to say that Canadians are nice but I see no one getting up to offer her their seat. Countless young passengers moving in and out, both seated and unseated move quickly past this sweet old lady without even giving her a glance. It makes me think about something I heard in a movie about older people being invisible. They get lost in the bustle of big city life even though they’re the wisest of us all. But back to the people taking up two seats on the train. I can’t say that I’m happy to see that. However, it says a lot about our society. The percentage of obese people in North America keeps rising and the main cause is the food which we eat. The genetically modified vegetables, fattened Prozac filled chickens and the countless sugar filled snacks all contribute to obesity. Yet they are a part of our culture. I have my guilty pleasures as well. I love my chocolate chip cookies and Oreo mint blizzards. However, people forget to realise that everything should be taken in moderation.
In my home country of Guyana, the food is different. Its more naturally grown. The organic vegetables that people pay top dollar for here, is the norm there. So as you can imagine, when I moved here I had to make a major adjustment. Everything was different, nothing tasted the same and even the chicken smelled foul. What was more alarming was that no one here noticed. This is the norm. I wonder if North Americans know that there’s something better out there. For the ones who are aware, do you simply continue to eat the garbage because you have no choice? How does one overcome or resist a culture known for its over indulgence? Hell, there’s even a holiday specifically for giving thanks and eating until you can’t anymore. Would I happily trade places with my friends living in Guyana for the chance at better quality food? No, I wouldn’t. However, if they could get some of that good food over here then life would be almost perfect. You know, since perfection is unattainable and all.
One last thing that I would like to add is that, having an active lifestyle is now trending. More and more people are joining the gym everyday. Therefore, there has been a slight positive shift towards a healthier society. Even if it’s because people just want to live longer and happier, its a step in the right direction. So I’m hopeful and you should be too. ☺

LoLiPoPmOmEnTs 🙂