Everyday struggle

Have you ever worked really hard to get yourself to a point in your life and then ended up right back where you started? 

Well here I am, back to square one. Change isn’t something I easily accept. 

The familiar is comfortable, it’s safe but it’s also toxic. What’s toxic is being stuck in the same cycle over and over again with no progression. However, there’s always something positive in that soul sucking tornado of toxicity. That something is your strength. You’re still there. You haven’t given up. You’re still fighting, struggling, holding on for dear life. But what do you call that? Is it simply willpower, strength or something else? People are motivated by different things, competition, family, the possibily of success. Whatever your motivation is, hold onto it tightly and keep it close because one day it might just give you enough push to break through the cycle, stronger and better than ever.

Gordian

How I’m gona walk in the park and I ain’t got no gun?

                                                                                             – Waka Flocka 

If you’re living life and not changing, growing or maturing then you’re doing it wrong. The Flockaveli rapper went from saying, “I’m trying to hit the hotel with two girls” to “I want a family. I want to see my daughter grow up. I want matching jumpsuits”.

That, everyone is called growth!

What’s your excuse?

 

 

 

Losing Control

By the title of this post you’d probably think that I was going to start talking about something deep and emotional and blah blah

Nope, I just have a bone to pick with people on the internet. Those who literally have no self control. If that’s you then yes I’m talking about you. Do you have to turn all of your thoughts on a particular subject or image into a comment? Is it that difficult to just keep shit to yourself? Is it so hard to resist typing out your hateful thoughts and clicking send? You do realize that you probably need another outlet for those deep seethed anger issues, right? How the hell are you so ferocious online but a bitches in real life? 

Sometjmes I find it difficult to understand people’s thought process and how they get to doing some of the things they do. 

For example: 

I was just thinking about this Lil Fizz music video for his song called Lotion and I remember Monise from Love and Hip Hop LA had the starring role. She’s the mother of his son by the way. However, in the video her make up could’ve been done a little better since the bags under her eyes were very prominent. I noticed it as soon as I saw the video. But who doesn’t have bags under their eyes? Not everyone is going to look perfect 24/7. One thing I did not do was blast her publicly for her baggy eyes. However, just because I didn’t doesn’t mean others held back and let me say they were just plain mean for no god damn reason. 

So if you’re one of those people:

  • Yes I’m judging you
  • I don’t care if this makes you mad
  • Prove me right and comment 😂

Someone wise once said that if you’ve got nothing nice to say about someone then don’t say anything at all. I think it applies in some cases like these. It’s not fair for people to bottle up their anger, jealousy and insecurities and then throw it at others on the form of disgusting hateful comments. 

Okayyyy that’s my 2 cents on that topic. 

Now for the screenshots of the hateration 

1. Sunken Place



2. Heavy coon



3. Bad mama body count 


4. Not good enough 


Being Honest

4/3/2017 – 9:30 AM

 

So, I just finished watching the first video posted by FouseyTube, the YouTuber in four months.

Where has he been? What has he been doing? All of that doesn’t matter. That’s because the “why” was the focal point of the video. Why did he leave his fans, his channels, management companies, his profession? He has his reasons. One thing I noticed him mention was fear. So what is fear?

Fear

“An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat”

So what could be so dangerous in Fousey’s life that could cause him to be afraid? Go watch the fucking video if you really want to find out (link below).

I’m here to tell you about my fears and how they affect me. For most of my life, I’ve always been the quiet, shy, meek child. I’ve got a great personality but if you’ve never taken the time to get to know me then you’d think I was stuck up or something. However, I’m just guarded. I like to assess people before I let them into my life. I can’t tell  you the revolving door of people I’ve had walk in and then out of my life after, willingly or unwillingly. I am a tough not to crack. But under that shell, I’m as soft as a snail, all squishy and gooey. Why does a shell have a snail? That’s obviously a rhetorical question but you get the point.

Fear, runs my life-like no other. There are so many things that I’ve wanted to do but didn’t even try because I’ve been afraid to fail. Fear is like a disease, it starts small but spreads until it encompasses you in your entirety. It brings you down, makes you depressed, sad and unhappy. My most recent battle with fear has revolved around isolation. I went through a break up that really affected me and also lost one of my best friends around that time. I could say that it has been one of the worst few months of my life. So, how did my illogical fear decided that I should deal with that? Isolation – separating myself from my friends and everyone around me who cared about me. Why? – Because eventually they were just going to hurt me and leave me too. Society never looks at vulnerability and weakness as something good. It’s all about strength and putting on a good face. However, most of it’s a lie. That person at work you see smiling probably has a thousand issues behind that smile.

Fear – Why should fear win? Why should we let it control our lives? Why can’t we shoot for the stars? I don’t have all the answers. What can I say? Life is like one of those adventure games you play and for some people, fear is that big boss at the end of every stage. There’s no moving on to the next stage without defeating it. So what are we going to do about it? I haven’t figured that out yet, but at least I know that this weekend I won’t be staying home and stuffing my face in that isolation chamber I call a bedroom.

Why I left youtube (Dose of Fousey)

Thanks For Reading!

Allison

Logopop

Ps. I lowkey have a bit of OCD and it is taking all the strength in me to post this without checking it 50 thousand times.

 

 

Home is where the heart is…

guycan

December 20th, 2016 signalled six long years since I immigrated to Canada. The day passed by without me even remembering. Six years ago, on that day, my life changed forever. Being a fourteen year old who had already formed a close bond with my group of friends and settled into high school, it was difficult to leave the place I called home. I remember being tearful as the areoplane lifted off and I left my home country, not knowing when I would get to see it again. Needless to say that I was miserable my first year here. It was difficult for me to adjust to the new country and I wasn’t that great at making new friends. I’m still not. However, I’ve grown so much in the last six years and I actually like the person I’ve become.

However one thing I really struggled with was the guilt that I sometimes felt when speaking about my home. Here in Canada, if you’re an immigrant you’re very familiar with the term “back home”. The problem is that at which point do I start calling Canada my home? Is it possible to have two homes? I love Canada, but that doesn’t mean that I love my home country any less. I believe that a major portion of this guilt is reinforced or stems from the citizens in our “home” countries. Where I’m from, those who leave are often taunted by those as being foreigners and “changing” just because they left for a better life. People use this to taunt us in a joking manner. However, there is some truth behind every joke. What they are unkowingly doing is creating conflict within our hearts. Is it wrong for us to move away, move on and try to create a better life for ourselves? No, I don’t think so. But they would argue that those of us that leave often forget those that they left behind. I would like to say, “No! it’s not that we have forgotten you. But we also have our own lives to live. We have to start from the bottom and work our way up and that is not an easy task”.

I love both places equally. They both have their positive aspects as well as their faults. I am incapable of forgetting the people who raised me as well as where I was raised. Do you know that saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”? Well, I was literally raised in that village. It was a village where every older woman was my auntie even though we weren’t related by blood. Growing up in a place like that taught me strong family values as well as the importance of community. Those values get lost in a big city like Toronto, so I’m lucky to have had that experience before the move. My heart is big enough to have many homes. My childhood home and the Toronto – the birthplace of my adolescence.

Who knows, maybe this isn’t the end of my journey and there may be many more homes to come.

Shut up or Shape up!

 

Good For You – Selena Gomez ft. Asap Rocky
I just want to look good for you.

As I listen to this song I can’t help but think about the perpetuation of the traditional female role. Here’s another song about a woman wanting to please her man and looking for his approval. What does this song say to the younger generation of girls? Should we take pride in our appearance because it will attract a man? Is that the ultimate goal in life? I say no! This song is very appealing to my ears. I actually like it but I can’t say that I support the message but it talks about the reality of our society today. Men still rule. They’re still on top. Female empowerment is that only in name. Popular culture degrades women hypersexualization. Everyday we play into the same system of inequality and then ask, “Why is it that women get paid less than men?”
I call hypocrisy when I see it and it’s everywhere. It’s in our choice of music, clothing and all our daily activities. Movements for change in our modern day society are a joke. An annual “slut walk” has no effect on the constant debasing of women. This is simply because people will go show their support and by the next day forget to implement a continual effort to affect change. To all the people who actually make a difference with their daily effort, Thank you!    To the rest of us, “Shut up or shape up”. Yes, that also applies to me also. I was just thinking. Why do I have the right to complain? I haven’t done anything to try to change it. It seems as though many of us do more talking and less action. This not only applies to gender equality but many other aspects of life. The next time you think about complaining about something Shut up or Shape up!!!!

LoLiPoPmOmEnTs 🙂