Everyday struggle

Have you ever worked really hard to get yourself to a point in your life and then ended up right back where you started? 

Well here I am, back to square one. Change isn’t something I easily accept. 

The familiar is comfortable, it’s safe but it’s also toxic. What’s toxic is being stuck in the same cycle over and over again with no progression. However, there’s always something positive in that soul sucking tornado of toxicity. That something is your strength. You’re still there. You haven’t given up. You’re still fighting, struggling, holding on for dear life. But what do you call that? Is it simply willpower, strength or something else? People are motivated by different things, competition, family, the possibily of success. Whatever your motivation is, hold onto it tightly and keep it close because one day it might just give you enough push to break through the cycle, stronger and better than ever.

Advertisements

Being Honest

4/3/2017 – 9:30 AM

 

So, I just finished watching the first video posted by FouseyTube, the YouTuber in four months.

Where has he been? What has he been doing? All of that doesn’t matter. That’s because the “why” was the focal point of the video. Why did he leave his fans, his channels, management companies, his profession? He has his reasons. One thing I noticed him mention was fear. So what is fear?

Fear

“An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat”

So what could be so dangerous in Fousey’s life that could cause him to be afraid? Go watch the fucking video if you really want to find out (link below).

I’m here to tell you about my fears and how they affect me. For most of my life, I’ve always been the quiet, shy, meek child. I’ve got a great personality but if you’ve never taken the time to get to know me then you’d think I was stuck up or something. However, I’m just guarded. I like to assess people before I let them into my life. I can’t tell  you the revolving door of people I’ve had walk in and then out of my life after, willingly or unwillingly. I am a tough not to crack. But under that shell, I’m as soft as a snail, all squishy and gooey. Why does a shell have a snail? That’s obviously a rhetorical question but you get the point.

Fear, runs my life-like no other. There are so many things that I’ve wanted to do but didn’t even try because I’ve been afraid to fail. Fear is like a disease, it starts small but spreads until it encompasses you in your entirety. It brings you down, makes you depressed, sad and unhappy. My most recent battle with fear has revolved around isolation. I went through a break up that really affected me and also lost one of my best friends around that time. I could say that it has been one of the worst few months of my life. So, how did my illogical fear decided that I should deal with that? Isolation – separating myself from my friends and everyone around me who cared about me. Why? – Because eventually they were just going to hurt me and leave me too. Society never looks at vulnerability and weakness as something good. It’s all about strength and putting on a good face. However, most of it’s a lie. That person at work you see smiling probably has a thousand issues behind that smile.

Fear – Why should fear win? Why should we let it control our lives? Why can’t we shoot for the stars? I don’t have all the answers. What can I say? Life is like one of those adventure games you play and for some people, fear is that big boss at the end of every stage. There’s no moving on to the next stage without defeating it. So what are we going to do about it? I haven’t figured that out yet, but at least I know that this weekend I won’t be staying home and stuffing my face in that isolation chamber I call a bedroom.

Why I left youtube (Dose of Fousey)

Thanks For Reading!

Allison

Logopop

Ps. I lowkey have a bit of OCD and it is taking all the strength in me to post this without checking it 50 thousand times.

 

 

Home is where the heart is…

guycan

December 20th, 2016 signalled six long years since I immigrated to Canada. The day passed by without me even remembering. Six years ago, on that day, my life changed forever. Being a fourteen year old who had already formed a close bond with my group of friends and settled into high school, it was difficult to leave the place I called home. I remember being tearful as the areoplane lifted off and I left my home country, not knowing when I would get to see it again. Needless to say that I was miserable my first year here. It was difficult for me to adjust to the new country and I wasn’t that great at making new friends. I’m still not. However, I’ve grown so much in the last six years and I actually like the person I’ve become.

However one thing I really struggled with was the guilt that I sometimes felt when speaking about my home. Here in Canada, if you’re an immigrant you’re very familiar with the term “back home”. The problem is that at which point do I start calling Canada my home? Is it possible to have two homes? I love Canada, but that doesn’t mean that I love my home country any less. I believe that a major portion of this guilt is reinforced or stems from the citizens in our “home” countries. Where I’m from, those who leave are often taunted by those as being foreigners and “changing” just because they left for a better life. People use this to taunt us in a joking manner. However, there is some truth behind every joke. What they are unkowingly doing is creating conflict within our hearts. Is it wrong for us to move away, move on and try to create a better life for ourselves? No, I don’t think so. But they would argue that those of us that leave often forget those that they left behind. I would like to say, “No! it’s not that we have forgotten you. But we also have our own lives to live. We have to start from the bottom and work our way up and that is not an easy task”.

I love both places equally. They both have their positive aspects as well as their faults. I am incapable of forgetting the people who raised me as well as where I was raised. Do you know that saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”? Well, I was literally raised in that village. It was a village where every older woman was my auntie even though we weren’t related by blood. Growing up in a place like that taught me strong family values as well as the importance of community. Those values get lost in a big city like Toronto, so I’m lucky to have had that experience before the move. My heart is big enough to have many homes. My childhood home and the Toronto – the birthplace of my adolescence.

Who knows, maybe this isn’t the end of my journey and there may be many more homes to come.

Hey Black Child

I don’t usually read poems nor do they ever have my interest. However, this one caught my eye when I was watching a youtube clip of the show Little Big Shots. It showcased four year old Pe’Tehn perform the inspiring Useni Eugene Perkins poem “Hey Black Child.” It’s short, simple but very effective. His words are empowering and inspiring. I feel like the new generation could learn a lot by following these words.

Here’s the link to the clip. Check it out.

Little Big Shots – Pe’Tehn’s Inspiring Poem Reading

Hey Black Child,
Do you know who you are?
Who you really are?
Do you know you can be
What you want to be?
If you try to be
what you can be.

Hey Black Child,
Do you know where you’re going?
Where you’re really going?
Do you know you can learn
What you want to learn?
If you try to learn
What you can learn?

Hey Black Child,
Do you know you are strong
I mean really strong?
Do you know you can do
What you want to do?
If you try to do
What you can do?

Hey Black Child,
Be what you can be
Learn what you must learn
Do what you can do
And tomorrow your nation will be what you want it to be.

Useni Eugene Perkins