Everyday struggle

Have you ever worked really hard to get yourself to a point in your life and then ended up right back where you started? 

Well here I am, back to square one. Change isn’t something I easily accept. 

The familiar is comfortable, it’s safe but it’s also toxic. What’s toxic is being stuck in the same cycle over and over again with no progression. However, there’s always something positive in that soul sucking tornado of toxicity. That something is your strength. You’re still there. You haven’t given up. You’re still fighting, struggling, holding on for dear life. But what do you call that? Is it simply willpower, strength or something else? People are motivated by different things, competition, family, the possibily of success. Whatever your motivation is, hold onto it tightly and keep it close because one day it might just give you enough push to break through the cycle, stronger and better than ever.

Gordian

How I’m gona walk in the park and I ain’t got no gun?

                                                                                             – Waka Flocka 

If you’re living life and not changing, growing or maturing then you’re doing it wrong. The Flockaveli rapper went from saying, “I’m trying to hit the hotel with two girls” to “I want a family. I want to see my daughter grow up. I want matching jumpsuits”.

That, everyone is called growth!

What’s your excuse?

 

 

 

Being Honest

4/3/2017 – 9:30 AM

 

So, I just finished watching the first video posted by FouseyTube, the YouTuber in four months.

Where has he been? What has he been doing? All of that doesn’t matter. That’s because the “why” was the focal point of the video. Why did he leave his fans, his channels, management companies, his profession? He has his reasons. One thing I noticed him mention was fear. So what is fear?

Fear

“An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat”

So what could be so dangerous in Fousey’s life that could cause him to be afraid? Go watch the fucking video if you really want to find out (link below).

I’m here to tell you about my fears and how they affect me. For most of my life, I’ve always been the quiet, shy, meek child. I’ve got a great personality but if you’ve never taken the time to get to know me then you’d think I was stuck up or something. However, I’m just guarded. I like to assess people before I let them into my life. I can’t tell  you the revolving door of people I’ve had walk in and then out of my life after, willingly or unwillingly. I am a tough not to crack. But under that shell, I’m as soft as a snail, all squishy and gooey. Why does a shell have a snail? That’s obviously a rhetorical question but you get the point.

Fear, runs my life-like no other. There are so many things that I’ve wanted to do but didn’t even try because I’ve been afraid to fail. Fear is like a disease, it starts small but spreads until it encompasses you in your entirety. It brings you down, makes you depressed, sad and unhappy. My most recent battle with fear has revolved around isolation. I went through a break up that really affected me and also lost one of my best friends around that time. I could say that it has been one of the worst few months of my life. So, how did my illogical fear decided that I should deal with that? Isolation – separating myself from my friends and everyone around me who cared about me. Why? – Because eventually they were just going to hurt me and leave me too. Society never looks at vulnerability and weakness as something good. It’s all about strength and putting on a good face. However, most of it’s a lie. That person at work you see smiling probably has a thousand issues behind that smile.

Fear – Why should fear win? Why should we let it control our lives? Why can’t we shoot for the stars? I don’t have all the answers. What can I say? Life is like one of those adventure games you play and for some people, fear is that big boss at the end of every stage. There’s no moving on to the next stage without defeating it. So what are we going to do about it? I haven’t figured that out yet, but at least I know that this weekend I won’t be staying home and stuffing my face in that isolation chamber I call a bedroom.

Why I left youtube (Dose of Fousey)

Thanks For Reading!

Allison

Logopop

Ps. I lowkey have a bit of OCD and it is taking all the strength in me to post this without checking it 50 thousand times.